I have always struggled with my health. I was definitely dealt the cards, and have my share of health problems.
I’ve always been open about that aspect of my life, and I’ve recently learned to be more open about my struggles with anxiety and depression. But one thing I have never been able to talk about, and still occasionally struggle with, is my body image.
When I was young, I was always teased for my weight. I wasn’t skinny, and on top of that I was really weird and awkward. That normally makes you a target for teasing and bullying.
When I got older, I noticed that I didn’t look like the other girls around me. I wasn’t skinny, I didn’t have perfect hair, and I definitely felt out of place.
I coped with that by eating. A lot. Me and food have a very complicated and messy relationship. I’m starting to learn though, that beauty comes in all shapes and forms. That inner beauty is what matters, and the way you treat others and live your life is what defines you.
I thought that I’d share some of these lessons I’ve learned, because it can be hard to feel your worth in a world that’s constantly telling you that you aren’t enough. But you are enough, and I am enough too.
LESSON ONE: BEING DIFFERENT IS A GOOD THING
We live in a world that puts a lot of importance on outer beauty. I was a girl who didn’t care about the traditional girly things. I never cared about dresses and makeup, trends or gossip, doing your hair and going to parties. I still don’t. I was the weird girl who had these stories in her head, who saw the world in screaming color. I was different from the kids around me, and it can make you doubt yourself.
I’m not saying that those things in themselves are wrong, because if you genuinely love doing those things then that’s what makes you who you are. It took me a long time to realize that it’s okay to be different. Our differences are what make us who we are. If we didn’t enjoy different things or have different opinions, the world would be pretty boring. I’m glad that I am different, because my creativity and nerdiness are what make me who I am. I wouldn’t be a writer, or even have started this blog, if I had decided to do what everyone else was doing.
So lesson one is that whatever it is that you love, whatever makes you the fantastic human being that you are, keep on doing it. Because we need those differences to keep life interesting.
LESSON TWO: EATING A BALANCED DIET IS SUPER IMPORTANT
Because of the way I felt, I turned to food to cope. I dealt with an eating disorder known as B.E.D., or Binge Eating Disorder. Unlike bulimia, where the person either throws up or excretes the food they consume, the binge eater just consumes massive amounts of food. I was under a lot of stress, and was learning how to cope with the struggles of depression.
I decided that the way I would cope would be with food. After a while, it sort of became a crutch. I gained a lot of weight, and I was unhappy.
It’s something that I still struggle with. But I’m learning the importance of eating a balanced diet, and that taking care of your physical health is a big part of self care.
Notice that I said balanced. I believe in everything being okay in moderation. Instead of completely eliminating carbs and sodas, it’s better to allow the occasional treat. My problem is that eliminating things makes me crave them even more. So allowing a limited amount is a better option. Now, I’m not perfect, and am still learning how to implement that strategy. But I’m getting better at it, and even though it is a work in progress, I am making progress.
So lesson two is that eating healthy takes effort, but is worth it. I did a post on some ways in which I am trying to be healthier, and you can read it here.
LESSON THREE: FOCUS ON IMPROVING YOUR INNER BEAUTY, RATHER THAN OUTER BEAUTY
Although playing with makeup can be fun, and obviously we all want to look presentable, looking cute and pretty isn’t the most important thing in the world. The way we treat others and how we live the life we are given, that’s what is.
The problem, though, is that it is so easy to get caught up in what isn’t important. We see the models on magazines, and what the world perceives as beauty. Then comes the trap of comparison. How you don’t measure up to that standard.
I always was ashamed of my curvy body and curly hair. For the longest time I wanted the perfect skinny body and straight hair. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve grown to love my quirks.
I also learned that trying to get the perfect body and hair will never happen. You can try to, but the truth of it is that if you have curves and thick bones, that’s how your body is meant to be.
It took some time to learn that our inner self is what truly matters. How we treat others- if we are kind, loyal, and honest- or the way we live our life- with a strong moral sense, doing what is right- that’s what matters in the end. That’s what makes us who we are, and that’s what will attract other people to us.
So lesson number three is to continue to improve the quality of your life, rather than focusing on the appearance of it.
LESSON NUMBER FOUR: LEARN TO LOVE THE SKIN YOU ARE IN
I’m not going to lie; it’s hard being a plus size girl. To be honest, sometimes it can really suck. The more you think about the problems of your figure and how difficult it is to try and find your size, the more the trap of comparison starts to creep up.
You start noticing the skinny girls at the mall. How the clothing trends are geared for skinnier girls and women, and that the plus sized clothing that is available isn’t as appealing or stylish. I hate it when I go into a store and see how cute the clothing is and how much I love the style, but then the disappointment of going to their plus size area and finding pieces that are not as cute and twice the cost. You start to fall into the trap of doing anything to fit into those clothes or make up for the styles available. You start to not feel as comfortable about the curves on your body. And it only goes downhill from there.
Like I mentioned, I wanted the perfect body and straight, flawless hair. But I learned that curves are beautiful, and my curly hair is envied by many.
I have the privilege on knowing some amazingly beautiful women, who are all different shapes and sizes. My mother is one of the most beautiful women on the planet in my opinion, and its inside and out. One of my closest friend’s mom is also plus size, but is beautiful and rocks her curves! And I also have friends who are skinnier, but who are beautiful both inside and out. Surrounding yourself with people who are different shapes and sizes, who are supportive of each other and lift each other up, that is something that is super important. Find people who elevate the mood, and that love you for the amazing person you are.
And also, focus on improving those inner qualities. Aim to show one random act of kindness a day. Treat others with respect, and thank them for the work they do. Don’t be nasty, even if there was a screw up. And work on your goals, because no one ever achieved greatness without putting in the work.
So lesson number four is to learn to love the body you were given, and to surround yourself with people who can help you do that.
I hope that you enjoyed this post, and that you can apply some of these points in your life as well. Even though I am in a stable place with the way I feel about my body, I’m not perfect and still struggle with it sometimes. It’s okay to have those days and to have insecurities, it’s what makes you human. But never forget that you are enough. You are beautiful. And you are cool and awesome just the way you are.
Until next time 🙂
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